As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still ...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.

Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little, repent too soon, and seldom drive business home to the full period, but content themselves with a mediocrity of success.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Bring a wife home to your house when you are of the right age, not far short of 30 years, nor much above this is the right time for marriage.

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art.

It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary to put all the play and learning into childhood, all the work into middle age, and all the regrets into old age.

Old age is not a matter for sorrow. It is matter for thanks if we have left our work done behind us.

Have regular hours for work and play make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life will become a beautiful success.