Half our life is spent trying to find something to...

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

It takes a long time to become young.

Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form.

Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Probably the happiest period in life most frequently is in middle age, when the eager passions of youth are cooled, and the infirmities of age not yet begun as we see that the shadows, which are at morning and evening so large, almost entirely disappear at midday.