Famous Quotes About funny

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.