Famous Quotes About funny

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.